HEY! WOW! COOL! YEAH, that’s right… YOU could be just like your favourite England cricketing hero. A knowledge and a talent for the game isn’t necessary – just follow these simple steps and you can join in with the team spirit and say you won the Ashes with your very own ENGLAND NICKNAME!
Let’s get started then! Take your surname – if it has just one syllable (e.g Smith), great! You’re a step closer already. But if your surname has more than one (e.g. Cruxton-Livingtonsmyth), hey no probs – we’ll just betray your family heritage and shorten it (e.g. Crux). WOW – look at you go! You’re nearly there already.
Take that short-and-sweet sounding name. It looks cute, but hey, lets add a “Y” to the end of it (e.g. Smith – Smithy, Crux – Cruxy). Word up, we’re done! That’s how simple it is. You can now walk into England’s dressing room and fit right in. Even if you’re a girl – they play cricket too! Here’s some satisfied customers.
Tom Bartlett (‘Barty’): I never realised how easy it would be to experience the amazing bonding sensation that I get from my ENGLAND NICKNAME. Now I can say with confidence that I pretty much won the Ashes.
Bjorn Bergstrom (‘Bergy’): I couldn’t believe it when I heard that I could have my own ENGLAND NICKNAME. I only went on line to check my Swedemail and within seconds I was soaring above my friends in Bødensvøøøøøørgado.
Phillipathy Bambatron (‘Bamby’): Initially I was disappointed when they said Bamba wouldn’t work. But now I am elated that my ENGLAND NICKNAME makes me not only part of the England cricket team, but also a cartoon deer.
Stuart Broad (‘Broady’): Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*annoyed-stomach-related-complaint*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Maybe peeps will like me and that?
Garethianton Twatterson (‘Twatty’): How cool is my ENGLAND NICKNAME. It is literally like the best thing ever. When I have kids, I’m giving them all one of these monikers so that they can be, like, the coolest kids, like, ever. Facteroid!
Pimposity R Chlahmsenby (‘Clammy’): Ma rents dint realy dig it @ 1st but dey dont no how gr8 ma ENGLAND NICKNAME iz. I iz blates top in da Guildford Crew wif dis tag… hu wud argue wif me naaaaaaahhhhhhhwwww? LOLZ.
Bob Willis (‘Willy’): No. This is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen in the history of marketing. I’ve seen less horror watching Devon Malcolm bat…
There you have it. ENGLAND NICKNAMES are that simple. And that damn cool.